| JOKES |
  |
Okay, no hard feelings:-) These are some jokes on men,
which we are sure even the men would enjoy! And do not forget.
Stupid Jokes on Men:
- What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women"
- What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature
- How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head
- What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up
- How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares
- How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened
- What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum
- What's the difference between a man and E.T?
E.T. phoned home
- What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer
- What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted !
- What did God say after he created man?
I can do better
- What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business
- What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist
- Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal?
He bronzed it
- How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable"
- Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
The Rules by which females are governed :-)
- The FEMALE always makes the rules.
- The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.
- No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
- If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.
- The FEMALE is never wrong.
- If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
- The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
- The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
- The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.
- The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
- The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
- The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
- The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.
- The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!
- Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
- The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.
- The MALE must be ready at ALL times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do
know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
|
| Posted: February 9,2008 at 11:26:10 AM | Read 295 times | 7 comments | Leave Comment |
|
