My son has a dog & I was buying a large bag of Beneful at Sam's Club and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Dog Food Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Kibble & nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.  I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.   Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.  I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.  

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. 
Stupid lady...why else would I buy dog food??