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It is s combination of behaviors that are emotional rather than physical and that are used with the intention to control and dominate another human being. Abusers use fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc.

Emotional abuse, like brain washing, wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, etc. Constant berating and belittling, intimidation, or criticism disguised as "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," causes the recipient of the abuse to lose all sense of self and personal value. Research shows that emotional abuse creates scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. The insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She becomes so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse and her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Examples of Emotional Abuse:

Unreasonable expectations - unreasonable demands that are never fulfilled no matter how hard you try. Example: insisting that the person spend all their time with you and then complaining that they don't do enough.

Aggression - name calling, blaming, threatening, accusing, ordering around. This can be more subtly disguised as "helping" by offering advice and solutions where none are needed. Examples: You're fat and nobody else would stay with you.

Chaos - constantly causes conflict and is addicted to drama.

Denying - denying the other person's emotional needs, perceptions, memory of abusive events and viewpoint. Examples: I never said that. You're too sensitive.

Domination - insists on having things a certain way all the time.

Emotional blackmail - plays on your emotions, compassion or values. Examples: tries to make you feel guilty for something you did in the past. Tells you how awful his life would be if you left. Tells you divorce is wrong.

Invalidation - to reject, ignore, mock, judge or diminish the other person's feelings. Examples: You shouldn't feel that way. You're too dramatic.

Minimizing - questioning your emotional reaction to something. Examples: You're too sensitive. That's not important.

Unpredictable responses - drastic mood changes or emotional outbursts that are constantly putting you on edge.

Verbal assaults - name calling, blaming, screaming, threatening, criticizing you in front of other people.

Effects of Emotional Abuse:

Individuals who were emotionally abused as children often have not developed a healthy sense of self and are not fully capable of setting their own standards, developing their own viewpoints and validating their own feeling and perceptions. These people often end up in abusive relationships as adults.

People in abusive relationships often struggle with feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear, and anger and many abusers tend to struggle with these same feelings. Often abusers have been raised in emotionally abusive environments and they learn to be abusive as a way to cope with their own feelings of powerlessness, hurt , fear, and anger. Abusers may be attracted to people who see themselves as helpless or who have not learned to value their own feelings, perceptions, or viewpoints. This allows the abuser to feel more secure and in control, and avoid dealing with their own feelings, and self-perceptions.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Understanding the pattern of your relationships is a first step toward change. Understanding yourself is another. If you tolerate disrespect from yourself (I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm worthless), it is more likely that you will also tolerate it from someone else.

Following are things people need in a healthy relationship:

The need for good will from the others.
The need for emotional support.
The need to be heard by the other and to be responded to with respect and acceptance
The need to have your own view, even if others have a different view.
The need to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
The need to receive a sincere apology for any jokes or actions you find offensive.
The need for clear, honest and informative answers to questions about what affects you.
The need to for freedom from accusation, interrogation and blame.
The need to live free from criticism and judgment.
The need to have your work and your interests respected.
The need for encouragement.
The need for freedom from emotional and physical threat.
The need for freedom from from angry outburst and rage.
The need for freedom from labels which devalue you.
The need to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
The need to have your final decisions accepted.
The need for privacy at times.

On the other hand, people in abusive relationships often have the following characteristics:

Can only guess at what healthy behavior is.
Have trouble completing things
Lie when they don't need to. Lying might have been a survival tactic in the home. (She explains that perhaps the child learned from parents who lied to cover up problems or avoid conflict. Or simply to avoid harsh punishment, or to get needed attention. But as an adult, that tactic is no longer appropriate.)
Judge themselves without mercy.
Have trouble accepting compliments.
Often take responsibility for problems, but not successes.
Or they go to the other extreme and refuse to take any responsibility for mistakes while trying to take credit for the work of others.
Have trouble having fun since their childhoods were lost, stolen, repressed.
Take themselves very seriously or not seriously at all.
Have difficulty with intimate relationships.
Expect others to just "know what they want." (They can't express it because they were so often disappointed as children that they learned to stop asking for things.)
Over-react to things beyond their control.
Constantly seek approval & affirmation.
Feel different from others.
Are extremely loyal, even when facing overwhelming evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.
Are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
Tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. (This impulsiveness leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. The result is they spend much energy blaming others, feeling victimized and cleaning up messes.)
Feelings of low self- esteem (they say as a result of being criticized.)
We perpetuate negative messages by judging ourselves and others harshly. We try to cover up our poor opinions of ourselves by being perfectionistic, controlling, contemptuous and gossipy.
We tend to isolate ourselves out of fear and we feel often uneasy around other people, especially authority figures.
We are desperate for love and approval and will do anything to make people like us. Not wanting to hurt others, we remain "loyal" in situations and relationships even when evidence indicates our loyalty is undeserved.
We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This causes us to feel inadequate and insecure. (I would say it further adds to our feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.)
We continue to attract emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities.
We live life as victims, blaming others for our circumstances, and are attracted to other victims (and people with power) as friends and lovers. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people we can pity and rescue. (And we confuse love with need)
We are either super-responsible or super-irresponsible. We take responsibility for solving others' problems or expect others to be responsible for solving ours. This enables us to avoid being responsible for our own lives and choices.
We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act in our own best interests. We give in to others' needs and opinions instead of taking care of ourselves.
We deny, minimize or repress our feelings as a result of our traumatic childhoods. We are unaware of the impact that our inability to identify and express our feelings has had on our adult lives.
We are dependent personalities who are so terrified of rejection or abandonment that we tend to stay in situations or relationships that are harmful to us. Our fears and dependency stop us form ending unfulfilling relationships and prevent us from entering into fulfilling ones.
Denial, isolation, control, shame, and inappropriate guilt are legacies from our family of origin. As a result of these symptoms, we feel hopeless and helpless.
We have difficulty with intimacy, security, trust, and commitment in our relationships. Lacking clearly defined personal limits and boundaries, we become enmeshed in our partner's needs and emotions.
We tend to procrastinate and have difficulty following project through from beginning to end.
We have a strong need to be in control. We overreact to change things over which we have no control.

Emotional abuse not only affects you mentally but physically as well. It is important to recognize the signs of emotional abuse in yourself and your relationships. Only then can you take steps to change those things that it is within your power to change and move towards a happier, healthier life.

Most of this information was abridged or copied from http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm.

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm